Monday, December 26, 2011

Deep breath....and keep breathing

 Our home...circa 2001

We lost our home.
10 days before Christmas....
We had to move out.....
Foreclosed.

There...I've said it.


 
The economy has not been good to West Michigan.
My husband is in the building trade....
just a sub contractor...siding, window replacements, remodeling....
And there was pretty much no work to be found.
Builders were hiring cheap, illegal labor rather than seasoned professionals


We struggled for the past few years...

I did what I could...which was not much.
2 bad knees...
Arthritis in my hips and hands...
Kind of puts some limits on you...


I've cried...
Gotten angry....
Cried some more....


Been humiliated and humbled...

We built this home ourselves...
Pretty much did the entire thing on our own, except for digging the basement and pouring the foundation....

The house has been a part of my identity for so long, I am not sure who I am anymore...



Where do I go from here?
I am not sure.

Right now we are staying at a relatives home...with our 3 cats and doofus Golden Retriever, Beau.
We are thankful to have a roof over our heads....
And thankful all our children have moved out and are on their own...

Looking for a place to rent has been a nightmare.
If it didn't mean we would never see our kids, we would high tail it to the south.
Pete is close to early social security, but it will barely cover expenses.

My heart is broken.
I am not sure where to take my blog from here.
Too much other stuff to think about for right now.

Those of you who are pray-ers...
I would appreciate yours...

I continue to rely on Christ alone...
Cindy


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68 comments:

www.FarmLifeLessons.blogspot.com said...

My heart goes out to you and your honesty, your pain is palpable. I will be definitely praying for you and for your family. Everything you said has incredible depth. This could happen to any of us...any of us and I live in the South...have seen so many people lose their homes. But, the jobs seem to be more stable. This is definitely where illegal labor hurts us. If someone is willing to do work for cut throat prices, then it hurts those of us who work to bring home the bacon. God, I am going to pray that some miracle happens. Please keep us informed. No one writes about these things, probably because of the pain it brings, but YOUR BRING A VOICE TO AMERICANS at all corners.

My prayers...Lana

Michele said...

Oh I am so sorry to hear this. I will keep you in my prayers. Keep your head up! Better times are ahead!

DebH said...

I'm so sorry! your so brave and strong to tell us your ordeal. If only you lived here in my area..I would so be helping you out. The economy in the state of SD is pretty much intact yet, and building is strong. I wish you only positive changes. If you lived here you would have no problem finding work. You would have to tolerate the miserable cold in the winter but this might be just the start to move south. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers tonight. Stay strong

Rita said...

Seems like if we could all band together there would be a way to help. My daughter and I were talking today as we drove through our town how many foreclosures we saw. The bank takes someones home and future and then just lets it fall in a heap. The grass isn't cut, windows, fixed the homes are just left to fall apart. Surely that isn't better for the bank than a payment here and there whenever the owner could pay? I have heard of homes being foreclosed when the owner was only 2 payments behind. I'm so concerned for you and for us all. This picture of America is all wrong. I'll pray, believe me I'll pray.

Heather's Blog-o-rama said...

Thanks for your honesty. I know it was hard...and I'm definitely a prayer...so I will happily pray for you and the rest of your family!!!! My dad and I have been through some very scary times, many times when we thought we would get kicked out of our apartment, because we didn't have money for rent. We had to move to California, into my aunt's house. That part has been a good move for us...and even when things were super scary, God always protected us. As of this month, I have been unemployed for one year. My dad for a year and a half!!!! I know it's hard and scary... The only thing I can offer is to hold on tight to Jesus as hard as you can. He is faithful and He is the one sure thing in a world full of uncertainty.

I hope you keep blogging. I love hearing from you...but I understand if you need a break!!! Love and hugs to you from California, Heather :) :) :)

Heather's Blog-o-rama said...

I love what Lana said here, too...if you feel okay with it. No one ever talks about it...and it is humbling and humiliating sometimes, too. Trust me, my dad and I have been humbled and humiliated beyond measure...but we're still standing. We're justified before God and we finally came to a point where we stopped caring so much what our friends thought and more about Jesus and what He thinks of us. We really learned just how much we could trust HIM when He was all we had...when our friends, to a certain extent, turned their backs on us. You'll learn who your true friends are....and thank God for those friends, because they're treaures. Keep us updated as you feel led to do...I'll be praying!!! Extra love and hugs from the ocean shores of California, Heather :) :) :)

Renee said...

Oh Cindy, I am so sorry to hear this. I know how bad Michigan has been hit, especially for your husbands trade. My heart breaks for you both. I will be lifting you up in prayer.

FlowerLady said...

Dear Cindy ~ My heart aches for you and your DH, to have to leave a place you built and put your hearts into.

I've added you to my list . May you feel God's love and peace surrounding you in this difficult time. May new doors open to wonderful opportunities, a better life than you can even imagine.

Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady

Kelle said...

Oh Cindy, that is why God has been bringing you to mind for the last several weeks. I've wanted to contact you but lost your email when our old computer died and haven't felt much like looking at blogs lately. HUGS and please know you and your Dh have been in our daily prayers for over a year now and will continue to be in our daily prayers in the future. Relying on Christ, prayer and love will get you through anything I know this for a fact! We've too had a really trying year and God has pulled us through by His grace alone and the love we have for one another. Hang in there Cindy and plese keep blogging, even if you feel you have othing to say, it keeps us all in touch :o) I need to work on bloggin again, I feel a loss without it and yet again was hurting to much to share either.
Love, Hugs and many Blessings,
Kelle

Kim said...

Oh Cindy, I am so very sorry. You will be in my prayers. Hold tight that through Him EVERYTHING is possible.

Jody@northernliving said...

I am so sorry for what is happening in your life. Good Luck to you and your family.
Jody

Heather said...

I'm so sorry! Thanks for letting us know so we can pray...chin up, you are strong and God is strongest!

Much love, Heather

camp and cottage living said...

Cindy
My heart, too, goes out to you and I absolutely will pray for you. I want you to know I've been to those hard places before and found God to be faithful. Don't give up.
Sometimes it takes a little time, but you will get back on your feet and be a stronger person for all you've been through.
God Bless you, my friend.

Denise said...

Cindy, You and your family are in my prayers......as you know God will see you through this challenge.

Blessings,
Denise

Debbie said...

I am so sorry...my heart just aches for you and for your husband. Praying that God comforts you as only HE can and helps lead your husband to a new job.

Donna said...

My heart is breaking for you. I had no idea that you were facing these troubled times. I will be praying for the dear Lord to ease your pain. The building industry has been hit hard everywhere it seems. Many of the builders around here are now out of business. The money supply is really tight thanks to all the new banking regulations, and that has just made things worse. There is still a pretty good demand for remodeling in our area (east TN), since most folks are staying put.

If there is anything that I can do, please let me know. In the meantime, I am praying mightily for you!

Vickie said...

Cindy, I don't know you very well yet, but I know you are a person of faith in God. I'm So sorry to hear of this loss of your home. One that you built with your own two hands. I'm at a loss to know what to tell you other than just hang on your faith. I know that God will not leave you alone, He is there with you, He knows what you need before you even ask. I will be praying for you, too, for you guys to find your way, to rely on God, and I know that there will be a solution. Thank you for sharing with us - it is our privilege to share your burden and be praying for you. Hang in there.

Dog Trot Farm said...

Cindy, I am so sorry to read this, I shall keep you in my prayers. I do understand, as I love my home as much as you do your's, however, "we" make our home. I know it is not easy at our age to start over, but you can do it. Hold your head high and stay strong. Blessing to you, Julie.

Sue said...

Oh, Dear Cindy! My heart is breaking for you and I will be lifting you and your husband in my prayers! We are not there yet, but as our income quickly decreases, it is a very real possibility...and I still have 4 children at home....please...trust in the Lord with all your heart! He will carry you thru this time of heartbreak and trial! You are loved...and are being prayed for! ~Sue~

Lady Farmer said...

Oh, Cindy! This has been such a difficult year for so many. My husband works for a lumber mill and we have been feeling the strain of the down market, too. He has been on temporary lay-off at least one week (sometimes two) a month.
I am reaching across the country (with arms to give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on) and joining these other ladies in prayer for you and your husband.
If you should decide you can't write at this blog again, I want to thank you for your generosity and kindness for your help in sending bread and sourdough recipes and encouraging emails and comments on my blog.
Special Blessings sent your way!

Wendy said...

Cindy, my heart goes out to you and your dear husband...I am so sorry to hear about your loss of your home...but know this that God is still God and He is a God that never leaves or forsakes His children...I will be praying for you both...May God give you peace, rest and renew your joy during this trying time...hold your head up without shame...in these hard times many are facing the same loss as you are experiencing now...know that you shall come out of the valley experience and walk upon the mountain top again....Gods' Word tells us that He will supply all our needs and I will be praying that He supplies you a home and work for your dear husband...Keep your eyes on the Lord and allow Him to comfort and protect you through all this.....my prayers will be for you daily....

Angela said...

What courage it took for you to make this post. I am praying for you and your husband. We came close a couple of years ago to loosing our home also. I was terrified. It can happen to any one of us. Praying for you and honestly believing that God can open doors beyond your wildest dreams.

Michelle said...

Sorry to hear this. I was just updating my blog when I came across your story on my dashboard. I was taken back. Prayers for you to have a better New Year!

Valerie said...

Cindy, I am SO sorry! Praying for you, for your husband. Praying for direction, clear paths and blessings upon blessings for you and your family.

{{{HUGS}}}

Jeanette said...

I am so sorry that you lost your house. It's no consolation I know but you certainly are not alone. Michigan has been hit hard by this recession and so many people have lost their houses. It rather angers me that banks won't work with people, then take their houses and sell them for a quarter of what the mortgage was! It's ridiculous! Anyway, I am not a praying person but you will be in my thoughts.

Mari said...

My first day back to blogging and looking at my list and wow, I come across this Cindy. I remember when I was going through our jobless struggle, then the move, you mentioned about your house, but then nothing else, so I guess I thought you had managed to keep it.
I am truly, truly sorry. I somewhat can empathize with you all except for the foreclosure. If our situation had gone longer, we may have gotten there. We too built our house, and thought we'd retire there. But then had to leave it and move away for the job. Still whatever the case, it's still hard.
I know what it's like to question God, and be angry. Been there.
Thankful you had family to take you in. In times like this, things boil down to what's really important, and it's family and good friends. Stuff is stuff.
Doesn't diminish your hurt and your pain of loss. It's okay to cry and question. Time will heal, and hopefully time will reveal the whys. My prayer is time will shower you with more blessings than you can hold on to in the coming years. And you will look back at this painful time, with tenderness and peace.
I love you dear one! ((hugs))

Lisa ~ A Cottage to Me said...

I read your post last night, right before bed. I had you on my mind all night and feel so sad for you! We too live in Michigan and realize how hard it has been for so many around us. I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and I hope the best for you in the coming year! God must have a plan!

Milah said...

My heart breaks for you, Cyn. I can't imagine how painful this must be for you. As painful as it is though, I wish you'd continue blogging through this journey. I believe God will use this "test" as a testimony for His Glory. I pray God continues to hold you in his hand, and brings you peace and comfort in 2012.
(((Hugs)))

Gail @ Faithfulness Farm said...

Cyn -- so many dear ones in so much pain -- I am so sorry to read this. Please take gentle care and know that you are prayed for. God's plan isn't always clear to us but a plan HE has. Rest in that!

Blessings!
Gail

Susie~From My Home To Yours said...

Hi Cindi,
I can truly relate to your situation, as we lost our home of 25 years to foreclosure about 3 years ago. If it weren't for our faith in God, I don't know how we would have walked through this most difficult time. Our life slowly fell back into place, and we were able to rent a really cute house. I remember thinking, "I just can't live with ugly carpeting and a home with no character or charm". Our landlord even lost this house to foreclosure, but a wonderful couple purchased it and wanted us to stay (even at a reduced rent!).

I will pray for you and believe that God has the perfect plan for your future.

Blessings,
Susie

Anonymous said...

Oh Lord, bring forth Your mighty hand of strength and hover over this precious one. I have read your blog so often and it has brought me much grace and blessing. I do hope you keep blogging as, even though I do not know you, I can pray for you and yours and hold you before Jesus as you keep connection and share your heart. I care. I pray for you to have hope and for hope to increase and be fulfilled. I pray that suddenly help will come and for you to have soul rest and peace.
Bless your heart,
Beth

Mandy Farmer said...

We wil keep you in our prayers. I can't imagine how you must feel, but know that God has a plan and a purpose. I hope that things work out for you in the best way possible in light of this set-back.

Janie B said...

How awful for you! Your house was so beautiful and loved. But your home is still with you. I'm sure good things are ahead. God bless you as you start anew. His blessings will carry you through to his perfect plan for you.

Millie said...

Cindy,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this time.

joolzmac said...

I am so sorry to hear your news. I am praying that something will turn up and good things will come your way and you will soon have a home again.
Please keep blogging if you can - share your struggles and emotions with us and feel the love and support of blogland. It will be a great outlet for you to vent frustration and emotion and a way to know you are not alone, we are here with you.

Cheers - Joolz (Australia)

Jocelyn said...

Oh, I am SO sorry. So, so sorry. I think the best thing is to have faith that even though this is bad, you will wind up much better off. I truly believe this is true.

I will keep you in my thoughts.

cheryl said...

I could barely breathe after I read your post today. I am SO very sorry that you are facing these hardships. You know, I have never commented on your site before, but I visit here every single day. I just wish that I had something to say that would make a difference. I will be remembering you in my prayers. Again, I am so very sorry.

cheryl

KathyB. said...

My husband's sister and her husband lived next door to us.We bought this 5 acres together, built our homes side by side together.Raised our children next door to each other.Now my husband's sister's home sits vacant with a notice from the public utility company notifying any and all this is an abandoned home.Next door, family we thought would be here all our earthly lives. Yet, in spite of the hardship and turmoil, they are doing well. God has worked things out not as they has envisioned, but they are well. They have a home ( rented, but quite nice) and they have food, and family. Plus, best of all, they know Him. You do too, and even though this seems a dark and depressing time, He is there for you. I know you know this too. My prayers for you all.

Judy said...

I am so sorry about this, construction work has really taken it hard the past few years.
You had a beautiful home, but as my mother has always told me over the years, "When one door closes another is always opening".
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Camille said...

My Precious Friend! I do wish I could give you a REAL hug...please accept it from me. :) I will pray. The LORD is good. HE is Faithful. HE is your hope, your comfort and your ROCK...HE will never fail you! May the LORD give you HIS grace as you reel from this loss. Favourite verses of mine that have been SUCH a comfort to my heart in desperate times I will share with you here ~ Jeremiah 29:11-14a, Isaiah 41:10, Isaiah 40:31, Psalm 46, and Psalm 91 ~ I pray the LORD will use these precious passages to comfort you and your husband. There is no shame in losing what you have built here...I admire your honesty and transparency! Be encouraged...your eternal home is secure!

MUCH Love to you across the miles my friend!

In HIM,
Camille xo

Swamp Dog said...

My tears are falling like rain. My prayers go out for you. Just remember the Lord works in mysterious ways, he has a reason for all that befalls us. He will not give us a burden that is too much to bear. God Bless You.

Maria said...

I am so so sorry for your loss. A home is a loss and I've lost one (not exactly like you), but it was still a loss.

Hugs and prayers are being sent your way because the good Lord knows what he is doing, even though we do not.

I'll be thinking about you...

April's Homemaking said...

I am so sorry that this has happened to you and your family! You are definitely in my prayers. We are out here in Oregon, and my husband's job is also tied into the housing market. We have been struggling over the last 3 years as well and continuously walk that fine line. Such a stressful thing. The house you created is so beautiful, wherever you go, you and your hubby will make it beautiful again. You are brave to share this, and I am so glad you did, so often no one talks about what is going on, while up and down the street people are losing their homes. God's blessings on you and your family!!

Diane@Peaceful Acres Farm said...

The Scripture that comes to mind at this instant is, "his boundaries have fallen for me in pleasant places."

Pamela @ Seeds of Nutrition said...

Cindy, It is good to see you here, even if it's for a brief moment. When your blog opened your music player was playing "Heart of Worship". I just love that song and how timely it is when one is going through deep waters.
Your photos are beautiful and I know full of memories. They brought an ache and welled up eyes for you both.

Remember HE has you under HIS wings!! Love, Pam

Sharon said...

Cindy,
I am SO sorry to hear of your loss. I wish I was in a position to help but I can be praying for you and your husband. We DO serve a faithful God, One who takes care of our needs and blesses us beyond measure. I second the verses that Camille has shared with you and would also like to add Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage, do not be afraid nor be dismayed, for I the Lord your God am with you wherever you go"

He IS with you wherever you go and will take care of His children. I am praying for work for your husband, comfort and healing for you and for the Lord's provisions in all things.

Sharon

Rachel said...

As a newer homemaker, it is a joy to find a Christian lady willing to share her life and home experiences. It has been an encouragement to read your blog. As God provides so well for His own I pray you are able to see that in each day even in the smallest ways as you go through this painful, refining time. -Rachel

Anonymous said...

I am praying, Cindy!!!

Linda in Mississippi

Cheryl said...

Cindy, I am so sorry, you and your husband are in our prayers. Stay strong in the Lord, he will take care of you.
Cheryl

Sue said...

I am so sorry to hear this Cindy, times are so uncertain for all of us, I join all of these precious ladies in prayer for you and your dh.
Hugs,
Sue

A.Brother said...

Thanks for your honesty. Glad I tuned in to find this out. Though it seems small comfort now, I'll say this. Over the past few years, my wife and I (both nearing 60 this coming year) have lost our home, most of our possessions, my career, her health, and were reduced to living in donated substandard housing in a cold, uncaring tiny town where we knew nobody. Even our family largely turned their backs on us ("I've got mine, if you don't have yours it's your own d....fault.) You know, even though we gave and gave to our kids, and tried to raise them correctly, now they are too busy to help, and the religious Christians will do a little without much sacrifice. Then, they will lose patience and drift on you. It is only Christ who will be faithful.

We are not promised any of the wonderful things we often get in this affluent country. Most of the world's Christ-followers start out knowing that. Unfortunately, we often don't, and our expectations are out of line.

God has special things for you. That's why He's allowing you to go through what His Chosen often must go through.

Before this, I spent most of fifty years chasing after the American Dream, instead of facing the reality of daily dying with Christ. It seemed so right, yet now, in the bare lightbulb of reality, it seems so shabby and dull. Christ is all, and He demands our all. He loves His own, and He disciplines us for our good. His most precious people He allows to go through the most difficulty, and they will come forth as gold. That is where you both are right now.

It's hard to see, but Christ is acutally taking you upward, into the mountains, and onto the "high places" with Him.

So--with great empathy, yet with anticipation to hear in your blog all your further adventures, we remain your brother and sister in Christ. Don't stop. Let those who read you read the Truth, as Christ shows it to you. Even the painful stuff.

I've had to start over, and my wife struggles daily with a debilitating disease. We have Christ, and we have each other, and He will see us through.

Blessings on you both,
A. Brother
The Narrow Gate
http://narrowgatepub.blogspot.com

Sherry Sutherby http://russ-stickacres.blogspot.com/ said...

Cindy ~ I can't imagine leaving a home you have poured your heart into. Beauty flowed from every direction. Seeing your photos and words were heartbreaking, until your last line. "I continue to rely on Christ alone..." I can't help but think He has great plans for you. And if you keep Blogging about your journey, it can be a guide for others. You are in my prayers, as you move forward. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. Sherry from northern lower Michigan.

Kristin said...

Cyn~
My heart hurts for you.
Thanking of you and your family as you find a new way and a new start.
XO
Kristin

goatldi said...

How in any way can we help you?

Paula said...

Cindy, God has brought your blog into my life and I will be praying for you and your family. lean on all these prayers that are going up on your behalf, and remember, even though it must be hard at a time like this that God does have a plan for you. Much much love to you

Dawn said...

I am so sorry about this. Praying for you...that you will continue to trust Him in the midst of all this.

Dawn @ 4:53 am
xox

Anna said...

I love you.

Cheesemakin' Mamma said...

I came on here to tell you finally tried your homemade cheese its and they were so good, but then I saw this post. I am SO SORRY to hear this! I pray God will sustain you and comfort you during this painful time. I pray He will meet your every need. Hugs, Jackie

Lillie Mae Acres said...

Certainly praying for you and your family Cyn. I am so sorry what you're going thru and for this economy. It's so scary! My hubby is also self-employed, we have a small painting business and it's so tuff. We too have experianced the "American" contractors hiring illegals to work cheap and taking food and shelter away from fellow Americans. God is in total control of this whole situation. Love and prayers from Florida.

Lillie Mae Acres said...

Certainly praying for you and your family Cyn. I am so sorry what you're going thru and for this economy. It's so scary! My hubby is also self-employed, we have a small painting business and it's so tuff. We too have experianced the "American" contractors hiring illegals to work cheap and taking food and shelter away from fellow Americans. God is in total control of this whole situation. Love and prayers from Florida.

Leslie @ Real Food Freaks said...

So sad to read this. Your blog is an encouragement and blessing to many. Praying that you will be encouraged and blessed as well.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your honesty. I am so sorry to hear about your financial troubles. Your blog is so inspirational, and you are blessed to be able to share your life with others though it, though I'm sure it doesn't feel that way right now. God, please wrap Your loving arms around Farmgirl Cyn and her family. Help her husband find work, and let them establish a new home together. Keep them healthy and lift their hearts in this difficult time. Amen.

Mimi from French Kitchen said...

Oh, sweet Cyn, I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts.

I am so angry and the greed and gluttony that wreaked havoc with our economy.

Thistle Cove Farm said...

oh Cyndy - please forgive me; I've been so caught up in my own grief, I've not visited nearly enough lately. My heart goes out to you and yours; I am so sorry for your upset and having to move. You're doing the only thing I know to do...hang on to God AND His promises...both are true and real. You're in my prayers; if you need to get away, please come stay with me. It's a madhouse, with six dogs and three cats, but would give you plenty to talk about when you leave -grin-!

Barb J. said...

Cyndy,
I know I am just an occasional lurker, but I wanted to tell you that I know exactly how you feel. We lost our lovely urban homestead about a year and a half ago. The circumstances were difference, but the end result - foreclosure - was the same. We have moved in friends and are still living with them. Myself, my two boys, two cats, two rabbits and three dogs. We found new homes for the chickens and two dogs. I miss my gardens and my pretty little home, as I know you do. But, with the Lord's help, we will survive. We WILL make it, and in a few years, I expect that both you and I will have even better lives as per God's plans. Keep your chin up.

Pauline said...

Hi, Cindy - I'm one of your followers, but am just now seeing this. Oh - how my heart goes out to you!!! Your home was so beautiful! I, too, know how it feels to lose a home of many years - I was forced to sell my home of over 40 years back in 2004 and it was so hard! I'll be praying for you. I have since found a lovely home that I treasure - may God bless you in the same way! (Love your Christian music here, by the way!)

Brenda said...

Praying for you. I can identify with you. In fact a year ago we were almost in the same situation but at the last moment were able to refinance.I can understand all of those thoughts and feelings. Hugs. We are still struggling so we'll see what God has in store for us.

Jodi Whitehead said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I relate to what you said about your home being your identity for so long. We lost our home 3 years ago. I was devastated. I know your pain. Through it all, I have seen Gods hand on our family. Today I can actually say that I am glad God released us from the burden we were under. He has provided all we need. Great change has occurred in our hearts. Contentment in mine. I am looking forward to what great things He will do in your life. God bless you, thank you for sharing your heart.